A man pulls a cart loaded with fire wood past a mansion owned by high-ranking government officials in the Sherpur neighborhood of Kabul. -- Danfung Dennis for The New York Times
Dexter Filkins has won praise for his war reporting in Afghanistan and Iraq as well as his recently published memoir, “The Forever War.” Now he’s back on the beat in Kabul with a page one story, “Bribes Corrode Afghans’ Trust In Government,” in the Friday, January 2 New England edition of the New York Times.
The piece is a case study in how report and write an effective story.
In their text, Writing and Reporting the News as Story, authors Robert Lloyd and Glenn Guzzo say that one way to create a news story is by viewing the reporting that is its basis as a “inventory” of building blocks, each consisting of one or more paragraphs.
The building blocks — facts, quotes, narratives, illuminating details, contextual background — are collected during the reporting process itself. Once the reporting is complete, “the story is constructed, section by section” from the “inventory” the reporter has created, held together by a compelling lead, given context by a strong nut graph, and wrapped-up with a memorable ending.
A close look at Mr. Filkins story, which asserts that the Afghan government is riddled with corruption, reveals a rich inventory of material (and no doubt much remains in his notebook and on his recordings). Here’s what he has chosen to use:
- “a raft of investigations,” unnamed or described, no doubt to spare the reader the details in favor of eyewitness interview that are decided more compelling.
- a German study of honesty in government which this year demoted Afghanistan to the rank of 176 out of 180 counties studied
- street prices of various bribes, from driving a truck through Kabul to securing a job as a provincial police chief
- a visit to the Kabul neighborhood of Sherper where government ministers and alleged opium traffickers have built expensive homes
- a November speech by Harmid Karzai decrying corruption in his government
- the salary of Harmid Karzai and the rents of two of the most lavish Sherper houses, which far exceed government salaries
- a myriad of interviews (one guesses) on the street and the steps of the Secondary Courthouse in Kabul, three of which are included in the story
- an interview with Mohammed Naim, a young English teacher
- an interview with a former finance minister, Ashraf Ghani, who resigned in protest
- an interview with a truck driver, Abdul Ghafar
- an interview with Mohammed Yosin Usmani, director general of a newly created anticorruption unit
- an interview with Farooq Fahani, a man trying to resolve a property dispute
- an interview with Amin Farhang, a minister of commerce recently voted out of Karzai’s cabinet
- a refusal to comment by Humayun Hamadizada, a spokesman for Mr. Karzai
Every building block in the article is fully attributed and every interviewee is named. The “raft of studies” cited at the beginning of the article are not named or described, but Mr. Filkins makes such a compelling case for his core theme that a reader like me is willing to take him at face value (though I would have appreciated a count of some kind, e.g., “half a dozen studies” and some idea of who did them). Perhaps if he’d had more words, Mr. Filkins would have worked this material into later paragraphs of his article (perhaps they were cut by his editor).
While the raw reporting is great, the story is made compelling by the ways Mr. Filkins has chosen to present it (and what he’s chosen to omit).
Here’s his lead:
When it comes to governing this violent, fractious land, everything, it seems, has its price.
Next, Mr. Filkins supports his lead, each brief paragraph a preview of a story to come in the main body of the report.
Want to drive a convoy of trucks loaded with fuel across the country? Be prepared to pay $6,000 per truck, so the police will not tip off the Taliban.
Need to settle a lawsuit over the ownership of your house? About $25,000, depending on the judge.
“It is very shameful, but probably I will pay the bribe,” Mohammed Naim, a young English teacher, said as he stood in front of the Secondary Courthouse in Kabul. His brother had been arrested a week before, and the police were demanding $4,000 for his release. “Everything is possible in this country now. Everything.”
Note how the supporting paragraphs build: from petty bribery, to serious money, to a violation of ordinary justice, the last capped by an on-the-record testimony of a citizen, which sets up the nut graph that follows:
Kept afloat by billions of dollars in American and other foreign aid, the government of Afghanistan is shot through with corruption and graft. From the lowliest traffic policeman to the family of President Hamid Karzai himself, the state built on the ruins of the Taliban government seven years ago now often seems to exist for little more than the enrichment of those who run it.
A quote from the resigned minister sums up why all of this matters:
“This government has lost the capacity to govern because a shadow government has taken over,” said Ashraf Ghani, a former Afghan finance minister. He quit that job in 2004, he said, because the state had been taken over by drug traffickers. “The narco-mafia state is now completely consolidated,” he said.
Having made his opening argument in the six paragraphs, including his lead and nut graph, Mr. Filkins uses the rest of his article to build his case. The evidence — his “building blocks” — is a richly detailed tapestry of corruption that seemingly affects all aspects of life in Kabul. The tapestry is knitted together by the effective use of transitional sentences that lead the reader from one conclusion to the next:
- “The corruption…is contributing to the collapse of public confidence in the government [and Obama’s planned efforts to defeat the Taliban]:” this sentence statement sets up quotes from a speech by Mr. Karzai, some background growth of the Taliban and implications for Mr. Obama, and a strong statement by former finance minister Ghani.
- “On the streets here, tales of corruption are as easy to find as a kebab stand:” now Mr. Filkins rattles off his findings on the nature and amounts of bribes commonplace in Kabul, showing that virtually no aspect of daily life is unaffected
- “…Afghans say the corruption they see now is without precedent:” here we get the news of the German goo-goo orgs’ ranking of Afghanistan at the bottom of its honesty in government list, adding authority to his case
- “Nowhere is the scent of corruption so strong as in the Kabul neighborhood of Sherper:” this assertion sets up some eyewitness observations by Mr. Filkins of the Sherper neighborhood, quotes from Mr. Ghani and Mr. Usmani, and some reporting on Sherper rents and Mr. Karzid’s salary, proving that Afghan government officials are implicated
- “Often the corruption here is blatant:” time to tell the story,with quotes, of Farhooq Farani, the man who’sbeen told to pay someone $25,000, half the price of his house, if he wants to get it back
- “[Mr. Farani’s tale]makes one wonder if an honest man can make a difference:” here we get the story of a minister who tried and was unable to fire a subordinate who was taking bribes.
- “Many Afghans…place responsibility for the collapse of the state on Mr. Karzai: ” Now we hear from Mr. Ghani again on his two attempts to do something about the corruption he encountered and of Mr. Karzai’s orders to “back off.” Mr. Filkins also attempts to corroberate what Mr. Ghani has told him but gets no comment from Mr. Hamidzada. If even Karzai is complicit, is there any hope?
The article concludes with an ending that echoes the lead and looks for a silver lining:
The corruption may be endemic here, but if there is any hope in the future, it would seem to lie in the revulsion of average Afghans like Mr. Farani [the man who was asked to pay $25,000 to settle a claim on his house], who, after seven years, is still refusing to pay.
“I won’t do it,” Mr. Farani said outside the courthouse. “It’s a matter of principle. Never.”
“But,” he said, “I don’t have my house, either, and I don’t know that I ever will.”